he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
