I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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