I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
