I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
