one two three fourrrrnication!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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