You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
