sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
