btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
