I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Randomize
