My balls are so social today.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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