He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize