no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
