Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
