i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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