I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
