just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
