Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
