i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
