Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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