I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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