Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
