I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My vagina is officially offended.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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