Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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