The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
