Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
