you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
