your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
