I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
