Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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