I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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