I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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