insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
