He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
