FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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