he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
