wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize