Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
