She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
