the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
