your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
