ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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