Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
