Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
