He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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