I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
