I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
