the condom got lost in my hair
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
