# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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