I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize