no you cant smoke seaweed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize