Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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