check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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