if you like me you must not know who I am
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
