wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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