Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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