So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
