He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
