i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
