She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Can Purell be used as lube?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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