If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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