We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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