Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
