Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
