what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
