I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
