these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
