So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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