I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
never play flip cup with pint glasses
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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