Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I look better un-naked...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
