I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think your dad took our porno
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
