Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
