She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
