At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Everything about him screamed your future.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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