omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
