the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
