shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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