I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
