It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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