so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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