i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
