Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize