if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize