I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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