I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize