Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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