apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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