I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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