matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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