can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
