My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
