omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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