U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize