Umm I'm too high to move.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
