i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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