Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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