I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
