I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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