these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
