god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
