there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize