he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
