Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
