Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize