Don't you send me to vm
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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