If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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