I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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