Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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