You're so nebulous sometimes
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
