never play flip cup with pint glasses
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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