I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
