There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
