i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
