Can Purell be used as lube?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
