I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
did i just pee glitter
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
