how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
