They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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